The Price of Beauty

I have to say.. for someone who has undergone SO much public scrutiny, Jessica Simpson appears to have a pretty good head on her shoulders! While I obviously don't know her (and therefore am probably not qualified to make such a statement- ha), I did watch her recent interview with Oprah and I was really impressed by some of the things that she had to say about beauty and the ways that women think about their bodies.

Jessica Simpson went on Oprah to promote her new reality show, The Price of Beauty, that is airing on VH1 (I think it premieres Monday night, March 15th at 10pm) that she was inspired to make after being criticized by the media about her weight and her appearance. I'm sure you all remember (or at least have heard about) the 'mom jeans' incident that occurred this past fall... She was ridiculed for wearing a pair of high-waisted jeans (she described them as her 'mom jeans' haha) and people worldwide were commenting on and writing stories about a photo of her that was taken in this outfit- saying she had gained weight. It was interesting to hear her speak so openly about how this experience impacted her and the degree to which she had to fight to stay strong and confident about her body and her appearance. Her vulnerabilities were real. And to hear someone, who is deemed beautiful in the eyes of the world, share how her self-esteem had severely waivered was sad-- and yet in some ways, relatable for women all across America. It just goes to show that no one is immune to the struggle of body image and self-loathing, and that the media can have a powerful impact on how we feel about ourselves! Simpson shared that she had not spoken openly about the incident until now because she was afraid that by talking about the media calling her fat, she would impress upon other women that they too were fat if they looked anything like her, or happened to be larger than she was (which is most of society!). As she said, and as is true, beauty comes in all sizes, shapes, colors, forms and styles; this was one of the things that motivated her to produce her show.

Simpson's show examines beauty in cultures all over the world. It sounds like traveling and meeting women from different countries was a healing experience for her, and one that she is hoping will be healing for other people as they watch. The way that interacting with women from different cultures and learning about beauty in other countries helped her to gain confidence and a new awareness of the beauty that she had within. Oprah showed a clip from her show (a scene actually where Jessica met with a former French supermodel who was severely anorexic) and Simpson was crying a little bit when the clip ended. Oprah asked her why she was crying, and she said, "It makes me very emotional because the pressure that women feel to be thin or to be beautiful, the pressure that the media puts on women is so unfair and so disgusting, and if i can do something to make it better for people.. that's the reason why I did this show." While the media does not make people anorexic, the media certainly effects the way that we view our bodies and beauty- and it has taken a major toll on too many of our self-esteems and body images!!

Oprah ended the segment by asking her what she had learned about beauty through all of her experiences and how she defines it. Her words? "No one can define it [beauty] but myself. Nobody's words, nobody's compliments, nobody's love. It is all within myself." I think that her message of beauty being within us is an important one. Of course we can have fun with our clothes, our hair, our make-up if we choose to do so, but that is NOT what makes us beautiful- nor is it the size of our jeans, our thighs or our boobs. The things that cannot be seen, the traits and qualities that make us who we are are the things that make us beautiful.

Bruised Body Image??

I came across this picture today and wanted to share it- although unfortunately, I'm having trouble formatting the image so that you can see the entire quote (by Marcia Hutchinson)! Until I can fix it, it says "If you talked to your friends the way you talk to your body, you'd have no friends left." I think it speaks for itself, and I think it speaks volumes. If this quote impacts you, I would encourage you to consider how you might start thinking about your body in a way that might be more kind! Margarita Tartakovsky writes a blog on body image and eating disorders, and she wrote a great post on 'bruised' body image that I want to share with you. While I have posted the majority of it below, I would encourage you to check it out in full here. Not only does she help you to identify if you may be struggling with 'bruised' (or poor) body image, but she also provides some helpful tips for thinking more positively about your body.

Here’s a list of indicators that your image may be suffering more than usual (and ways to fix it below that):

1. You notice only negative things in the mirror, car windows, storefront windows, etc. Instead of seeing your positive physical traits, you’re more likely to be found bashing your body, and nitpicking at every nook and cranny.
2. You have a tough time taking compliments. It isn’t that you’re too polite to take a compliment; it’s that you truly believe you don’t deserve them.
3. You rarely think you look good. Even wearing a favorite outfit doesn’t help you to feel good in your skin. You rarely feel beautiful or even pretty.
4. You compare yourself to everyone. For many of us, comparisons are as natural as breathing. But, while you’re comparing your appearance to everyone else’s, you rarely have anything good to say about yourself. It’s always, “her thighs are so much slimmer than mine.” “Her waist is much smaller.” “I wish I had her body.”
5. It takes you forever to pick out an outfit — more often than not. Do you have a moment — more like many moments — where you’ve been cooped up in your room, trying on tons of clothes? You can’t see your floor, partially because it’s overflowing with clothing and mainly because your face is filled with tears. There’s nothing wrong with your clothes–it’s just that everything is wrong with your body.
6. You skip events because you don’t think you look good enough. How often have you declined an invite to a dinner date, party or other engagement because you felt too fat to leave the house?
7. You criticize your body regularly. “My stomach is gross.” “My thighs are enormous!” Do these phrases resemble your daily mantras?

And the following is a list of some pointers that she gives:

1. Think of the awesome things you can do thanks to your body,whether it’s lifting weights, walking several miles, playing with your child, playing an instrument, riding a bike, helping mom carry groceries, dancing with your significant other, achieving a tough yoga pose or simply wrapping your arms around a loved one.

2. What do you like about yourself, beyond your body? Create a list of your positive qualities and achievements, and if you need extra reminding, put the list on a note card and stash it in your purse.

3. Hang out with positive people, who appreciate and support you, who see beyond appearances to who you really are.

4. View exercise as fulfilling, not punishing. Instead of working out to eliminate calories or fit into some bikini (all things that, unfortunately, many magazines and some so-called experts recommend), choose ways to stay active that you enjoy and that make you feel strong and good about your body. There are tons of options for leading an active lifestyle: walking, hiking, biking, workout DVDs, gym membership, yoga, Pilates, dancing, tennis. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t like the latest workout craze. Pick something that resonates with you.

5. Worrying about your weight and body is exhausting and strips you of valuable time. Consider all the good things you miss out on because you’re too busy criticizing yourself. You overlook other opportunities, whether it’s the opportunity to self-reflect (instead of nit-picking at your thighs or waist, focus on being kinder to yourself and others), spend time with loved ones or read a good book.

Happy Monday to everyone and hope you all have a great week!! Think good thoughts about your body and what it can do for you. Be kind to yourselves!

Opportunity!!

I wanted to let you all know of a cool opportunity (media inquiry) that I have read about it in a few different places recently-- read below to find out about how you might help out a reporter writing a story on the link between mothers and daughters and body image/eating disorders.

The ad is posted below:

"I'm looking for women in their 20s and 30s (and hopefully some of their mothers) who have struggled with eating and body image. At this point I need women who struggled with these issues but didn't necessarily have clinically-defined eating disorders. So, women who have struggled with bingeing, purging, restricting, body-loathing, and feel like their attitudes are connected to their mothers behaviors and attitudes. If this is you, and you'd be willing to share, I'd really appreciate it. You can contact me at dekapp@mac.com.

Best, Diana Kapp"

If there was a contest that awarded a prize to the person with the most junk mail in their inbox, I might have a good shot at winning. I have no idea how I ended up on so many random listservs. I get emails announcing sales at stores that I have never heard of, announcements about travel deals (which if I'm honest, I kind of like!), stationary sales, opportunities to participate in paid surveys, home improvement tips from Home Depot and Lowe's... you name it, it's probably in my e-trash. As I was deleting all the useless emails in my junk mail account (hotmail, cough cough), I came across an email from Victoria's Secret. The subject read "New! I Love My Body Bras." I sort of laughed and wondered if perhaps Victoria's Secret was working to promote positive body image. I clicked on the email and there were three models in their bras and underwear looking a little hungry. My next move- I googled 'Victoria's Secret Love My Body' and this is what I found. Follow the link to read the article on their 'campaign.'

I don't mean to make fun of it or anything- promise! If you read my blog, you know that I am all about promoting positive body image and people loving their bodies. And for this, I think it's great that Victoria's Secret is trying to help women love their bodies. I just find it funny/ironic/unfortunate that their campaign slogan is "Body for Everybody, Love Your Body" and the picture attached to the campaign shows 7 women who all look the same. A more appropriate slogan might be "Body for Seven, Love Your Body." :) I think if the goal is to promote the idea that all bodies are beautiful, then showing women of all sizes and shapes might be more effective in communicating this message. I dislike being critical for the sake of being critical, but I think it's important to be critical about the media/images that we view and how we interpret them, as they have a significant impact on how we view ourselves and our bodies (whether we are aware of it or not). I think observing and thinking critically is important, and it's also important and okay to act and react appropriately to such things.

I don't often tell stories, but I've been thinking a lot lately (especially in honor of last week's National Eating Disorders Awareness Week) about doing 'just one thing'- and how doing one thing here or there can really make a difference. Well, when I was putting away some groceries I bought the other day, I noticed that as I was putting a particular item into my refrigerator, there was a picture of a girl's face (a cartoon) along with a website address on the outside of this item. In addition, this particular item had been 'approved' by this cartoon girl. I'm a curious person by nature and wanted to know who this girl was and why she was on my food, so I checked out her website. I refuse to share the alias of this cartoon girl or her website because when I went online to see what she was all about, all that I could found were tips on cutting calories, dieting tips, what to eat at certain restaurants, etc. This website also provides the option for people to sign up to receive daily emails sharing dieting tips, how to cut calories, and specific products to buy that help promote weight loss. I'm really not sure who created this site, but the girl behind the alias says that she is obsessed with food, counting calories, finding great diet tips.... and to me, that is one giant red flag!! If you are obsessed with numbers, weight, counting calories, dieting, etc.. it may be a good idea to talk to someone about this, especially if it is interfering with your ability to think rationally, maintain health and be yourself.

While I wouldn't necessarily call this person's site a pro-anorexia site, it is certainly not a healthy site. The information presented is likely triggering for anyone who has struggled with an eating disorder, food issues, body image struggles, etc. It made me upset to think that someone could do something as simple as buy something at the grocery store and be confronted with this little cartoon girl and her website. My reaction was so strong that I felt like I needed to take an action step. So, I sent this cartoon girl a little message on the 'contact me' section of her site. My message was not rude or judgmental, but I shared my thoughts and concerns with her. I haven't heard back from her, and I don't expect to. I didn't write to her expecting a response or even needing one. The simple act of putting that feedback out there was empowering and I think we need to be doing this kind of thing more often, myself included. It's not even about trying to change someone else, or to show someone that they are wrong about something- of course, it is helpful for people to be educated and knowledgeable and to have correct information. But I think when we take action steps, it actually frees us and empowers us in ways that help us to move one step closer to health and acceptance of ourselves. In doing that, we may actually end up facilitating change after all! Every little action helps, whether it helps us or helps others, or both! As we interact with people and media (print, TV, etc) this week, let's consider how we might take small action steps to promote positive body image in ourselves and in those around us.

The Body Image Project!

This week has been a really busy one, and it is not over yet- which means that National Eating Disorders Awareness Week is still going strong! I received an email from Tiffany, who is the woman behind the Body Image Project- a really cool website and organization that I have written about before (click here to read my post and here to check out the Body Image Project). The mission of her site is to help people reframe and reshape the way they feel and think about their bodies. I want to quote her because I think she said it best- We want to hit the message home that if you do one thing this week, participate. Share your story. Help spread the word. Encourage positive body image and take control of your own advocacy …your right to be happy, healthy and thrive in your own skin. I love the attitude behind this statement. It starts with each one of us as individuals!

What can you do? Be intentional about reminding yourself what you value and like about your body and yourself each day. I read an interview that Jenni Schaefer gave recently and she said that she encourages people (including herself!) to think about what your body can do for you- instead of focusing on your individual body parts and criticizing them, consider what purpose these body parts serve for you and how lucky we are to have functioning bodies. She also said the following (so great!)-"Realize that your body is just a vehicle for life. I've heard people say it's like an earth suit. It's what you get to wear to walk around and experience the world." I think that is a cute, unique and helpful way to think about our bodies. To read the most recent blog post written by Tiffany at the Body Image Project, follow this link to read her thoughts on National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. And remember, do just one thing this week!! No matter how big or small, you can make a difference by doing one thing.