Facials, Kate Moss and About-Face

One thing that I really enjoy in life is a good facial. They are surprisingly relaxing and do wonders for moisturizing your skin :). I was getting a long overdue facial yesterday afternoon, and Angela, the greatest esthetician in the tri-state area (call Mina's in Chapel Hill to get an appointment with her- I'm a big fan of Mina's and apparently Tyler Hansborough is also, who I saw getting his haircut there once..) mentioned that she had been reading my blog. We had such a great conversation about the myths/misperceptions about eating disorders, and the way that our culture and the media deal with the issue of weight and appearance. It was so refreshing to hear her express some of her thoughts, and to hear a voice speaking truth about eating disorders as mental illness- because that is what they are.

As our conversation evolved, we began discussing the comments Kate Moss made recently in an interview that she has since been getting blasted for in the media for making (we were probably mid-facial at this point- haha). For those of you who are unaware of what she said, I hate to bring it to your attention- but when asked if she has a slogan which she lives by, she answered "nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Not only was this comment irresponsible, as she is a public figure whom society/the media/the fashion world has deemed beautiful, and who many women look up to and aspire to be like, she is a mother to a 7-year old girl. The implications of her comments are extremely damaging in more ways than I can count. This is a slogan which has inspired many pro-anorexia websites, and is just a very, very destructive way for anyone's thoughts or actions to be guided. Not to mention the values that such a statement reflects. She has since said that her words were taken out of context- and while I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, I am not sure how those words in any context might mean something different.

Just to be clear, the point of this blog post is not to demonize Kate Moss. I guess it just got me thinking about the media's response to her comments-- I just googled her name and 'her slogan' together, and 487 news articles have been written since she made these comments a few days ago. What I find ironic about this is that the media, who has pretty unanimously rebuked her for making these comments and have said what a horrible influence she is for essentially encouraging and endorsing eating disordered thoughts and behaviors, is also the same source who made her a household name by splashing her unattainable and sickly image everywhere. I think its a very indicting commentary on the mixed messages that the media dispels. What it seems to me that the media communicates is that the explicit message (her slogan) is not acceptable, but the implicit message (how she looks, appears, etc) is. It is a very confusing dichotomy, and one that continues to perpetuate unhealthy body image and unrealistic expectations and standards for young girls and women of all ages.

If you recognize and identify with what I am talking about in regards to the confusing ways the media projects values, I recommend that you check out a website called About-Face. This is an organization whose mission is to "equip women and girls with tools to understand and resist harmful messages that affect self-esteem and body image." This site is not solely for females- if you are a male, you certainly interact with females (as friends, sisters, daughters, wives, girlfriends, etc) and would benefit as well. You can access the site by clicking here. For 10 helpful tips on ways that you can work towards challenging these mixed messages and empowering yourselves and others, follow this link.

A Few More Thoughts- Girls and The Triple Bind

In my previous post, I wrote about girls losing their sense of self and the importance of helping them to see their worth and value by creating circles of protection around them. I came across a book this week that I wanted to share because I think that it complements some of these ideas. It is called The Triple Bind, which Dr. Stephen Hinshaw, the author, says is a term that represents a triple threat to young girls-- societal expectations, cultural trends and conflicting messages. He states that young girls are growing up in a momentous time- they have more opportunities than ever, but also more pressure than ever. He says that they are not only expected to excel at 'girl skills' (friendships, relationships, empathy, etc), but with increased opportunities, there is an expectation for them to achieve the same things that boys have historically succeeded in (sports, demanding careers, etc), AND do both while looking perfect in the process. That is a LOT to live up to.. It is no wonder girls are struggling to cope these days! Hinshaw states that by the age of 19, 1 in 4 girls will have either developed major depression, made a suicide attempt, participated in self-harming behaviors such as cutting, or practiced binge eating or other eating disorders. I would be surprised if this number were not higher.. For more information on his book, access Hinshaw's website here.

The Chicago Tribune published an article back in April about Hinshaw's book and made the point that any parent who has a daughter may want to read this book because regardless of age, all girls face these struggles today. The article, which can be read here, suggests that parents have a large role in helping their daughters develop healthy identities. So, as parents, what are some practical ways that you can help your daughter? I received an email in response to my last blog post asking a similar question as to what action to take to help young people navigate these pressures. An excerpt of the email is below:

Helping teenagers find their voices is also the reason I'm working towards teacherhood. I am aware of the difficulties facing young women, but as a public school educator, and a male one at that, what can I do to help specifically address these issues?

This is a great question. While the roles of parents and teachers are certainly different, I think there are a few suggestions that Hinshaw writes about that apply to both. First, encourage girls (as well as boys) to be discerning and critical of the media and the messages that are portrayed. Second, and this relates more to parents, spend quality time together over dinner; eating dinner together, while tough for many families to practice, has been shown to reduce the risk of eating disorders, as well as depression and drug/alcohol use. Third, encourage girls to volunteer and be involved in the community- whether it be community service, or involvement at church, being involved in something greater than yourself often helps one to gain a sense of purpose through a higher calling in your life. Talking and communicating with your daughters is SO important- talk to them and get feedback about the kind of support that they may need or want. Being able to communicate is so crucial, for both you and your daughter. For a few more pointers and helpful suggestions, follow this link to read some tips for communicating about body image, compliments of the Girl Scouts.

Circles of Protection

The other night I went to an event where I heard Becky McDonald speak. Becky McDonald is the founder of Women at Risk International (WAR), a nonprofit organization that serves women at risk around the world. Her goal in creating this organization was to create circles of protection around young women who are at risk of being sold into slavery and trafficking, as well as to rescue women from these situations, empower them, and communicate the message that they were created for purpose and dignity. She has a passion for giving young girls and women a voice and has worked hard to bring healing to women in over 18 countries.

Helping women (and especially adolescent girls) to find their voice is something that I have been passionate about for a long time. It is one of the reasons that led me to become a counselor. The context in which this has played out is pretty different than that which Becky speaks of, however, I believe that her message is especially relevant for the women and girls that I work with. Her message of God's hope and healing is one that we all need to hear, regardless of our circumstances or what we have been through.

So often, young girls in adolescence begin to lose their voices as they worry more and more about fitting in. They may pretend not to like certain things, or they may pretend TO like certain things. Sometimes girls silence their voices so much that they lose their sense of self; they hardly remember what they like, what they think or what they want. Many girls that have eating disorders experience feelings of powerlessness, and with powerlessness comes a silencing of the self. Other self-harm behaviors, such as self-mutiliation or cutting, are becoming more prevalent in the lives of young teenage girls as they seek to deal with their emotions and their inability to express who they really are for fear of not being accepted.

As a quick aside, To Write Love on Her Arms is a nonprofit that is dedicated to providing hope and light to people who are struggling with depression and self-harming behaviors, which are both so common in girls with eating disorders. Apparently, November 13 is To Write Love on Her Arms Day, although my source for this is facebook :). Whether or not this is a sanctioned day of awareness is pretty insignificant to me- I think any day is a good day to raise awareness-- and because it is November 13 and the theme of this post is giving girls a voice, I wanted to make sure to mention this. To read more about this organization and what they are doing, follow this link.

Creating circles of protection around young girls in our society is SO crucial- whether it is to protect them from slavery, or from cultural messages about body image, or both. How do we create circles of protection around girls? By restoring dignity, showing them their purpose, empowering them through education and skill building, as well as working to impact change on a large scale through advocacy. For more information on Women at Risk, visit www.warinternational.org.

Teen Girls Living on One Meal a Day?

I was at the mall this weekend, doing some shopping and I happened to notice that the entire side of the wall lining the escalator was advertising a new FDA approved non-surgical type of liposuction. There was a life-size picture of a very thin woman's lower-body in jeans, with her bare stomach exposed. My first thought- UGH, really?? So wrong. Is that really necessary?? My second thought- of course there is a huge ad about liposuction that is in plain view for everyone walking around the mall to see-- it is a commentary on our culture and a reflection of what society values. It made me sad. How do we expect and encourage young girls (and young boys), as well as adults (!!) to have healthy body image and a healthy view of what is beautiful if we are being bombarded by images and messages like this?

It kind of provides some context for some recent statistics regarding teenage girls and their eating habits. According to a recent poll, one in ten girls aged 14 and 15 are skipping both breakfast and lunch. For those of you who are math challenged like me, that is ten percent of girls!!! Most of the girls surveyed believed that they were overweight, even if they were not. Amongst a younger set of girls, aged 10 and 11, 40 percent believe they need to lose weight. 10 year olds should be riding their bikes and playing with their friends, enjoying life- NOT spending time loathing their bodies, or thinking that they need to lose weight. To read more about the results of this poll, follow THIS link.

Regardless of our age, when we repeatedly receive messages and see images about what our bodies should look like, we begin to think that we need to conform in order to be beautiful and accepted. This (of course) is a lie- however, young girls are seeing these images and taking in these messages being communicated and are reacting in ways that are not healthy. This is why there is such a need for prevention, as well as change!! This is what makes DOVE's Campaign for Real Beauty (click here to read more on that) such a great effort to help young girls build confidence and self-esteem and healthy body image. It is so important to be able to recognize the lies that we see and call them out as such. Whether you are a parent, a friend, a boyfriend/husband, have a conversation about these images, messages, advertisements, etc. with your daughter, friend, girlfriend/wife when you see or hear them. To act as if they are okay or normal is to perpetuate the cycle. We cannot control the messages that we receive, but we can control how we respond; to respond by challenging them and not believing lies is tough, but so crucial if we want to live the life of freedom that God has intended for us.

Q & A with Julie Holland : )

I got really excited when I came across this interview on PsychCentral.com with Julie Holland because I really like Julie-- aside from being a great person, she knows her eating disorder stuff. She is the Director of Certification for IAEDP (the International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals) and currently works for the Eating Recovery Center in Denver. Anyways, Julie spoke to PsychCentral.com about fat talk, self esteem, and other related topics, as October 19-23 was Fat Talk Free Week (to learn more about Fat Talk Free Week, check out my post here). She has some very good things to say, especially regarding helpful advice for parents on how to help their children have positive body image. The following interview is copied and pasted below but can be accessed on PsychCentral.com by clicking here.

Q&A with Julie Holland

By MARGARITA TARTAKOVSKY, M.S.
October 20, 2009

Julie Holland, MHS, CEDS, is recognized in the industry as both a clinician and public speaker. A certified eating disorders specialist, she has directed marketing and customer relationship management programs at several leading eating disorder treatment programs across the country. Ms. Holland has specialized in the treatment of self-esteem, eating and body image issues for adults and adolescents for more than 23 years. She is a Certified Eating Disorders Specialist and Director of Certification for the International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals, as well as an Approved IAEDP Supervisor.

1. How does fat talk affect one’s self image?

   Fat talk brings a sense of negativity toward how individuals think about themselves and their body. It can also affect how individuals relate to others.

2. What are several things parents can do to improve their child’s body image?
   • Be accepting of all body types rather than labeling one as the “best.” Encourage children to think about people they admire and love who are different body sizes and shapes.
   • Be positive about what our bodies do for us rather than placing so much emphasis on how they look.
   • One of the most important things a parent can do is be a positive role model - be positive about your own shape and size. Do not talk negatively about your own body or constantly complain about needing to change your body to fit a perceived ideal.
   • Think about statements you make and make sure what you are saying is a positive influence. For example, girls who are tall are often told “you are so big!!!” when what individuals really mean are “wow, you are really tall for your age.” Follow it up with a positive statement like “I bet you love being tall!” Otherwise, it can be perceived as negative.
3. At what age should you start talking to your kids about body image?

   From birth on. I remember looking into my daughter’s eyes at a very young age - a few weeks, months - telling her how much I loved her and how much I wanted her in my life. All types of comments shape a child’s body image - not just messages about their bodies.

4. Can you give an example of how to turn a negative thinking pattern into a positive one?
   • Encourage individuals to focus on the wonderful things their bodies do for them. Think of your body as a powerful tool and make a list of all the wonderful things you can do with it. Again, think about those individuals you love and admire who are different shapes and sizes.
   • Encourage children to be inquisitive, critical thinkers and not just accept things at face value. Rather than preventing children looking at magazines, encourage them to look at magazines and ask questions - “Why do they touch up the models’ photos?” “Why do they use young models to wear adult women’s clothing?” “Do I really like the way this model looks or is that what I’m being told I’m supposed to like?”
   • Learn to question messages portrayed in the media - magazines, television.
   • Each time you catch yourself or someone else saying something negative about yours or their body, replace it with three positive comments.
   • Don’t limit what you can do in life by your body size. Let others see you doing things - moving your body - regardless of body size.
   • Exercise and body movement are great ways to counteract negative body talk.
   • Stop using the scale to determine your worth. Don’t emphasize certain numbers on a scale. Your weight doesn’t define who you are as a person.
   • Stop comparing yourself to others. Being unique is what makes our world a wonderful place!
   • Compliment yourself frequently. Make a game of it: e.g. Every time I see a red car today I will say something positive about myself.
5. The holidays are almost upon us, which means that talk of how to avoid gaining weight and New Year’s resolutions will be, too. How do you recommend we deal with all the advice?
   • Stay away from “good food, bad food” talk. Remember it’s all about moderation.
   • Encourage individuals to set resolutions that are non body-size-based. Instead, set goals that are “body movement” based. Make resolutions that are geared toward feeling good about your body now - not when you lose five pounds.
   • Surround yourself with people who have healthy relationships with their bodies, food and weight.
6. Anything I haven’t asked that you’d like our readers to know about having a healthy body image or fat talk free week?

   Everything we do or say can impact another individual. Oftentimes, we think we are only our own worst enemy. However, at any given moment we are saying or doing something that can influence how another individual thinks about him- or herself. Pass good body talk and feelings along. Each of us makes a difference.