The Monument of Our Hearts

In her book Do You Think I'm Beautiful, Angela Thomas makes a powerful statement: "You were made to be seen and known and loved deeply. And it's okay to want what you were made for." I love this. I think it speaks to the innate desire that we all have to be beautiful! I have been thinking a lot about beauty lately, and what it means to be beautiful (and loved... and accepted... as my last few posts probably attest). I have noticed lately that both professionally (with clients) and personally (with friends/family) that this is a topic that has not just been on my mind. Statistics would also support that.

According to statistics put out in August 2008 by the YWCA, the amount of cosmetic procedures (both surgical and non-surgical) has increased by 500%. The numbers are pretty staggering: 11.7 million cosmetic procedures were performed in 2007. While the media is not 100% to blame, the media does have a HUGE impact on the way that beauty is perceived and defined. For example, one study done by the YWCA found that after watching only 30 minutes of TV, a young woman can be impacted by the way that she perceives her body and her appearance as she compares herself to the 'ideal' she sees on TV. Thirty minutes! That is astounding. While these statistics are probably more sad than shocking, the question that I keep asking is- what can we do and where do we even start?? How do we begin to attempt to deal with the beauty crisis that we are facing? (And by beauty crisis, I mean the pervasive belief that beauty looks one way, which inspires the persistent quest to achieve this ideal..)

While I have not come up with an answer to this million dollar question (i'm still working on it! ha ha), I did stumble across an awesome clothing company recently called The Monument of our Hearts (TMOOH) that is pursuing and impacting change in this arena. The mission of their clothing company is to 'design apparel that creates conversations and empowers people to feel beautiful.' How cool is that? I had an opportunity to speak with founders Brett Clouser and Courtney Schreiber, and would love to share with you a little bit about what they are doing to promote positive body image and awareness in an industry that is obsessed with 'beauty' at any cost.

Me: I noticed on your website that you all are pursuing a goal of expanding the definition of beauty [so cool] and that you want to create more positive advocates for body image. What sparked your interest in creating clothes to inspire body confidence and positive body image?

Courtney: I had friends in high school that were concerned with body image, but it wasn't an issue for me until I went to college. When I went to Pepperdine-after growing up in New York- I was surrounded by people consumed by body image on a different level. I fell into that myself, and let body image related stuff consume my thoughts in college. My own experience led me to become passionate about helping others to find confidence, and to help figure out what is healthy for each person. My own confidence was affected- eating disorders and negative body image lead to low self-esteem. I want to encourage people to find confidence, to know that they are not alone. I want to help people begin the conversations about what a healthy body image could look like.

Brett: I went to college with Courtney. And I come from a lifestyle that wasn't as focused on appearance. In high school, we all care about our image, but people in my high school wore sweatpants. Going to school in Malibu was different- the general pursuit of image issues and the pursuit of ideals that were unattainable and superficial in their manner- that was the spark to the flame for me.

There were two specific incidences though that really impacted me. I was in a literature class with a driven, type A girl who would sit up near the front of the class. She was physically very frail and unhealthy looking. Over the course of the term, I noticed that she would have different supermodels on the backdrop image of her laptop. Supermodels that were extremely skinny and clearly at an unhealthy weight. This was this girl's ideal. I didn't have excessive interactions with her, but could see how these ideals could negatively impact her.

Another friend of mine had suffered from an eating disorder- not while I was friends with her; that was before we met. But I was able to see the psychological effects that the eating disorder had on her, and the convoluted idea of what she thought was beautiful. To see the pursuit of such ideals and how they affected human beings across all different levels was significant to me in that life was not being lived to the fullest.

The psychological impact of eating disorders and body image issues, and seeing people pursue unhealthy ideals is what led to designs being created for this company.

Me: What is it like to be part of an industry that promotes such different values than your vision? Have you all had to intersect with this at all?

Courtney: On a small scale, there have been comments about sizes of shirts offered, or the types of models that we use. We have to be strategic in how to promote the clothes. This is a great reminder to be thoughtful about what we put on our site and the messages that we communicate. Because of our goals and our mission, people are looking to us to set a standard.

Brett: Buyers for retail distribution channels are concerned with branding. A brand of stores is developed as a collaboration of all of the brands that are represented. So for example, if one brand is anti-fur, and they happen to sell a product with animal skin, there is an inconsistency. You have to be consistent. We haven't pushed our line into the marketplace yet. We want to navigate the waters differently and act in a way that is consistent with our goals and mission as a company.

Me: Your website is such a great resource, as it provides a community of sorts for people to engage in conversation about your clothing and other issues related to beauty and body image (which is part of your mission!). I love the section of your site that allows people to share how they have been impacted by your clothing- can you share any anecdotes or stories that stand out to you?

Courtney: It is unbelievable to read things that people submit, especially considering the fact that when others respond and comment they are anonymous and don't know each other. It's not one person's story that stands out to me, but all of the comments and responses that these stories elicit. I read Luke's story and others were inspired to send in their own stories because of what he shared. Another example is Amanda's story. People responded to her story, leaving comments to encourage her, which ultimately led to her posting again on her own story to share how she had been inspired. [follow this link to read Amanda's story]

After speaking with Brett and Courtney, I am an even bigger fan of their company. Their tees and sweat-shirts are great- check them out here: http://www.tmooh.com/wear-it/. A portion of the proceeds are donated to non-profit organizations that work to promote healthy body image, treat eating disorders, and educate people about real beauty! I would encourage everyone to check out their site- follow this link for more information about TMOOH. More importantly, in solidarity with their mission, I would encourage you all to start talking about beauty. Start engaging in conversations about what you see in the media, and what you believe is beautiful. I think we all long to be beautiful, and to be able to view beauty as more than appearance, as more than our bodies, and as more than our size or shape is a great start!

Saying No to Labels

After the Golden Globes last week, the New York Times fashion blog 'The Moment' called out (by name) certain actresses who appeared to be 'rounder.' The title of the article was Now Scrutinizing--A Rounder Golden Globes... how gross! While there are a million things that I want to say about that, in the interest of time, I will focus and try to be brief! The irony in such an article, of course, lies in the fact that all of the actresses named have been criticized at one time or another for being too thin. Mixed messages much? : )

Courtney Cox happened to be one of the women that was singled out for looking 'rounder' and her husband, David Arquette, publicly responded yesterday to the ridiculous comments that were made. Here is what he had to say-

"Writing articles about people that put on weight is just wasting space for real news," he told Fox News' Pop Tarts. "And who really cares? I love round people, I love skinny people. I love people in general; we've got to get past labels and stop being so critical about everything."

Well said. I love how he chose to respond. How is it that in a world where some really serious things are going on (think Haiti, healthcare issues, Afghanistan, ...) that any news publication is writing about actresses' weight fluctuations? That is just such an indicting commentary on what the majority of our culture values. While this article was in fact written on a blog, it is still associated with the New York Times.

Maybe even more noteworthy though is what Arquette said about labels. We really do have to get past labels, and our obsession with labeling ourselves and others. When you think about the people in your life that you care about, that you love, the people that have had the greatest impact upon you... you cannot sum them up in a label, nor would you want to. If we were to do that, we would miss out on SO much! When we find that we are tempted to view others or ourselves as a label and judge accordingly, maybe we can step back for a minute and ask what purpose this behavior is serving, and if it is helpful. To label anyone (including ourselves) does a great disservice to all. Our hearts cannot be labeled. We are so much more than our height, our hair color, our weight, our shoe size, ... so let's be sure to focus on the depth that makes us each unique and beautiful.

Figure Skating and Eating Disorders

There was a period of time (maybe in high school?) when I enjoyed watching figure skating. My mom has always liked watching it, so when I went to go hang out with her the other day, it didn't surprise me to find her curled up on the couch watching it. Anyways, I watched with her for awhile, but truthfully, I cringe when I watch skating because I just hate seeing the girls fall- and it seems like they all fall!! I have such a difficult time enjoying it because it seems like they work for hours and hours and years and years training, they miss their proms, and sacrifice having 'normal' lives, and one fall or misstep can dictate their futures. I know that is slightly dramatic of me to say. However, in a competitive situation like this, a tenth of a point can determine whether or not one will go to the Olympics after having trained for years. I just can't take the pressure!! Haha. Anyways, all that to say- it's been a looong time since I've watched any skating. And what I noticed as I watched was that this time around I was cringing for different reasons. If you have read my blog before, you probably know what is coming... but I was upset by how many of the skaters looked unhealthy. Because I sit with people on a daily basis who are in the middle of some pretty serious battles with eating disorders and body image issues, I see what they go through and know how difficult and distressing it can be. The fact that many competitive skaters likely struggle with eating disorders may not be a newsflash, but it is still very, very sad and concerning.

As in all sports, the body is a major instrument; a few sports in particular though (think gymnastics, running, skating) feature the body as the only instrument. In many of these sports and activities, the rates of eating disorders are soaring. The percentage of skaters with eating disorders is very high. A recent estimate stated that upwards of 85% of competitive figure skaters have eating disorders- that is a LOT. Jenny Kirk, a former competitive (and successful) figure skater, was interviewed recently by the Huffington Post and she did a great two part interview to raise awareness about eating disorders and their prevalence in skating. She shares her personal story, which involved leaving competitive skating due to the severity of her eating disorder. She is now in recovery and attending college, while also raising awareness about eating disorders. The interviews are very informative and interesting. Check them out by clicking below!

**Jenny Kirk interview part 1

**Jenny Kirk interview part 2

Loving What is Real....

One of my all time favorite children's books is The Velveteen Rabbit. While it definitely brings back visions of tricycles and My Little Pony, this book was read to me often before bedtime and I had such an affection for this story. I remember one year for Christmas I received the newest edition of this book, along with a stuffed animal that was supposed to be the Velveteen Rabbit. It was one of my favorite gifts. As I have gotten older, and have gained a little bit of life experience since my days drinking out of a sippy cup, I still appreciate this book because I think its message transcends the playground.

The Velveteen Rabbit is more than a story about a boy and his stuffed animal; it is a parable that echoes a desire that we all have in our hearts to be loved and to be accepted as we are. At one point in the book, the Velveteen Rabbit has a discussion with the Skin Horse, another toy, about his fear that he will not be special or loved by the boy. The Velveteen Rabbit longs to be special, and believes that his experience of being accepted and loved will make him Real, which will ultimately give him validation. The following is a short excerpt of one of my favorite parts, in which the Skin Horse is talking to the Velveteen Rabbit about becoming Real:

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

The Velveteen Rabbit

The reason that I love this part so much is because it extends to more than just toys. We get mixed messages today about beauty, and what is required of us to fit in, to be accepted, to be admired, to be loved, to be beautiful. This certainly extends to our bodies, and the expectation that exists for us to be a certain size or shape in order to be perceived as beautiful. At the risk of sounding like a tired cliche, I think what makes us beautiful goes way beyond our appearance. And that is one reason why I love this book so much- it illustrates the idea that our character and experience is what makes us beautiful, and that people love us most when we are being the most authentic versions of ourselves. Our experience, our age, our resilience all make us real and make us beautiful!

As we try to navigate what is real in our culture today, we must decide how we define beauty and choose to base our standard on things that are different from what the media might tell us. One organization that is doing a great job of exploring beauty and educating young girls about self-esteem is Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty. I have mentioned this organization more than once (follow this link, or this one to read more) because I think that the resources that they provide for young girls and women are wonderful. Whether you have body image struggles or not, whether you have an eating disorder or not, I think we can all relate to the message behind the Velveteen Rabbit of wanting to be loved and wanting to be accepted just as we are. I read a quote the other day that has stuck with me, and I will leave you with it.. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

Who Do You Want to be in 2010?

So, in my last post, I talked a little bit about behavioral change, neural pathways and New Year's resolutions (yawn- haha). I think one of the important points that I was trying to make is that change can be difficult. However, it is not impossible or too difficult to attempt! I am all for change and love when people become inspired to grow and change in any way- that is one reason I do what I do! I think it is important though to be educated about the process of change as it helps to make sense of why some changes can be more difficult to make than others (which goes back to neural pathways, the brain and emotions).

I am going to rewind for a minute and talk strictly about New Year's resolutions and the pervasive nature/themes of New Year resolutions. If you were to take an inventory of the last few days, or even the last week, how many articles, commercials, conversations or facebook statuses have you noticed or observed that have had to do with weight loss, calories, fitness regimes, detox diets, plans for getting in shape, etc... ? I know that I have seen and encountered countless. I think often times New Year's resolutions are synonymous with weight loss and fitness goals. Out of curiosity, I googled New Year's resolutions to see what would come up, and about.com's top ten list of the most common resolutions popped up first in my search. Up to this point, I had never heard of about.com, but I am a sucker for lists and couldn't pass up finding out what made their top ten. Here it is:

1. Spend more time with family and friends.
2. Fit in fitness
3. Tame the bulge
4. Quit smoking
5. Enjoy life more
6. Quit drinking
7. Get out of debt
8. Learn something new
9. Help others
10. Get organized

It didn't surprise me at all that two of the top ten resolutions involved fitness or weight (as it reflects the values and messages that our society and media hold), but what did surprise me was that helping others, learning something new and enjoying life more were all on the bottom half of the list. There is certainly value in being healthy, and I think health should be a priority. If this means that in order to be healthy, you need to gain a few pounds, or lose a few pounds, then I encourage you to pursue health. But it is important to view health not solely as a physical thing- our health is more than just a physical measure. It also includes our mental health, our spiritual health and our emotional health. I think before we make any resolutions, or goals for ourselves, we may need to step back to see if these goals are consistent with our values and who we want to be before we move forward with them!

Maybe one thing that you can do instead of making a list of New Year's resolutions is to think about the kind of person that you want to be in 2010. Take a close look at what is influencing and shaping you as a person. Is it friends? Is it the media? Is it God? Is it family? It might be helpful to consider the sources of influence in your life, and decide if they are positive and helpful in becoming the person that you were made to be! I heard someone wise say that whether we know it or not, we all worship something based on how we live our lives and what we give our time, our attention, and our thoughts to. For some of us, there are great obstacles and challenges to overcome in order to be the person that we want to be, but there is hope in pursuing a life that is filled with meaning, intention and purpose. I would encourage you, as I encourage myself as well, to examine the kind of person that you want to be, the character traits and qualities that you want to exhibit, the experiences you want to have, and the life you want to live- and move forward in a direction that is consistent with those things.